I have to remember

because it's easy to forget.

I have to remember that sitting in this office of cubes and drop lighting and the drone of mundane conversation my life is more than reports and mailings and content creation. My life is also dragons and magic and a thousand shades of sidhe.

I have to remember that the loves in my life never really leave me. They live on in my breath and in my bone and in the memories that I call on to guide my path.

I have to remember that I am more than the sum of the numbers they use to define me. My true sum is infinite because I am infinite. I cannot be defined truly by mundane terms.

I have to remember that I am an oddity to most people, and that they won't understand the light in my eyes or the hidden knowledge in my smile. They won't see what I see in the shadows or the sunbeams. They won't understand what I know to be true. I have to remember not to hold this against them - it's not their fault.

I have to remember that most religions require that you go and preach and try to convert, and that if people find out what my path is their minds will immediately think this is also my goal. I have to tell them politely and clearly that this is not so, and educate them about the truth of my Paganism if they'd like - and to drop it if they don't. Their misconceptions are not my concern if they refuse to learn.

I have to remember that I am no more or less blessed than anyone else on the planet. We are all in this together.

What will you remember today?

The Wheel ever turns

There's a line from a fabulous and canceled before it's time show that goes something like this: "The wheel's always turnin'... that only matters to thems that's on the rim."

Today that pairs in my mind with a line from a sweeping Broadway hit. "Death doesn't discriminate, it takes and it takes and it takes..."

My last grandparent, my Father's Father, passed away last week. This is a mixed moment for me - I'm sad, I'm sad that he's gone, partly because I miss him but more because I know the pain this is causing my Father and my Grandfather's widow. I have watched a parent cope with the reality that both their parents are dead now and it's not easy, it's not pretty, and it's not polite.

As horrible as it sounds, their death is the easy part. It's living on afterward that's hard. The list of names on the altar of our ancestors grows longer... it never gets easier to read.

The harvest festivals loom in front of us, and with Lughnasad just passed we look forward to Mabon. It's hard to believe that we're staring the last days of summer square in the eye but we are, and the air hangs heavy with the weight of dying light, the leaves whisper of their ending time and maybe with all this water we'll have a lovely and vibrant palate of colors this autumn.

Autumn is my favorite time of year. Last year was difficult, losing my first best friend last September means it's not even a year past yet, and I don't remember the colors the way I have in the past. I don't remember the days, or the way I celebrated any of the holy days. With the loss still so fresh, so raw in me and now this new sadness added, I have to remind myself to look up, to look at the colors, to see them and remember them. It hurts to do this, but I think I have to.

My wish for you, dear reader, is that whatever you're going through you remember to look at the colors and see the light in-between the dark places. The Wheel will turn, and we will move with it - but we are not on the rim or the road, we are safe inside.

Litha!

The solstice is here and the day is VERY bright - I love these sorts of days. I also love when the solstice falls on a day I already have off work, so I can spend the day as I wish.

Today I'm enjoying the longest day by sinking into my artwork as the sun lights my worktable. I meditate as I work, and focus so hard on my page that all else falls away. It's here that the Goddess speaks to me and here that I find answers.

I hope that whatever you do today, you find time to spend with your Deity and that their message comes to you clearly.

Celebrate the Sun, welcome the warmth and revel in the light.

Blessings!

On being overwhelmed, and picking your battles.

So much rage.

It’s the response of the whole world right now to a great many things – to rape, to movie posters, to international incidents. Everywhere you turn, on every social media outlet, on every computer screen, in your email and on your TV… hatred, screaming, and rage.  

I walk in my garden a lot these days, running my hands though the soil and gently brushing my fingers against the leaves and flowers. I think about the scents on the air and I do my damnedest to bring my soul back to center.

Some days are harder than others.

I have a lot of thoughts, and they’re all going here, and this is the last I’ll speak on them.

The Rape: unless you’ve been where that woman is right now, you don’t know how she feels. You can sympathize, but you don’t know. That boy, the one whose picture is fucking everywhere right now, is scum right alongside anyone who’s ever molested a child. He should feel what she feels – he should have EVERYTHING taken away. I’m glad to see that might actually happen. To be fair, I won’t be terribly surprised if it doesn’t. I’ve met the world.

The Billboard: I see both sides of this. I’ve been a comic book fan for years – that part of my brain sees that image as the last two pages of a nail-biting issue and *that* is the image you’re left with as you wait for the next issue to see if your heroes won or not. It’s a teaser, it’s a TO BE CONTINUED and it’s doing a damn good job. It is triggering in the brains of comic book readers around the world the anticipation that we know and love, and it’s making us excited for the movie. I’m also a woman. I’ve been abused. I’ve been in the position of a person larger than me looming and holding me down by my throat. I learned to be strong and I survived. That billboard doesn’t trigger those memories in me.

The Election: If any of you think we actually have a say in who’s elected, you’re dreaming. Instead of fighting about this election, how about you fight for changing the election laws in the 4 years before the next one, and see if we can do a better job at this sometime in the next decade.

------

I’m meditating more these days. I find I have the need… there is so much out there competing for my attention, so many people screaming at me to rise up and be an advocate, to use my craft to bring someone down, to stand and put oppressors in their place, to change laws, to do EVERYTHING…. It’s too much. It’s overwhelming.

So I invite you, dear readers, to do me a favor. Breathe deep. Stay calm. Think clearly. *then* answer those posts on your Facebook or Twitter or elsewhere that you feel you need to answer and just ignore the rest.

It’s said that you have to pick your battles. It’s also important to pick the hill you’re willing to die on – and if one of these issues’ isn’t it? Well, that’s ok too. No one has to make that decision but you.

Everyone else can just fucking get over it. 

Summertime.... and the grounding's easy...

It is hot like the fires at Beltane now, and my garden is thriving under the sun that warms the soil around them.

I'm a child of the summer, born near to the middle of that season, and my elements blend to become the heavy air that accompanies a sweltering summer. I am Water and Fire, a cusp baby, but my root is in the Earth and so when the air becomes heavy with the vaporous steam of my warring elements I drop down and lay flat on the Earth, and cool myself against the stones and soil and grasses.

Grounding is very important, and even more so when everything is so volatile. The country is riled up, the world is riled up, our friends and family are riled up... you might feel like you're stuck in a tornado. That's not uncommon - the feeling of being carried away on a tide you didn't ask for is a horrible one, but it's something we can mitigate with some work.

There are many techniques, but this is the most straightforward that I've found - and the quickest. It works no matter where you are (yes, I've used this at work), and at any time of day or night. It doesn't depend on the position of the moon or stars or planets, and doesn't require a certain day of the week. It just is.
(I shouldn't have to, but please... Don't do this while driving. Be safe, don't endanger your own or others lives.)

Place both feet flat on the floor wherever you are. Don't worry about taking your shoes off.
Place your hands easily on your legs. (up, down, doesn't matter.)
Lower or close your eyes. (just don't have distractions.)
Focus on your breathing. Feel the inhale and the exhale. Feel your chest fill and empty.
Allow your focus to ebb and flow with your breath, and see if it goes anywhere or if it stays with you. See if it lowers toward the floor or raises toward the sky.
Don't push it, just follow where it goes. If it doesn't go anywhere, that's ok too.
Breathe slowly and consciously for 10 minutes.
Slowly wiggle your fingers and toes.
Slowly open your eyes and readjust to being in the world.
Take one large deep breath and exhale forcefully through your mouth.

That's it. Really really. As you do this more and more you'll note where your focus goes, and it'll be easier to follow it. Your focus will go toward your grounding and when you find that center of calm, be it in the Earth or in the Stars, then slowly add into your grounding the following, starting once your focus starts to travel:

Follow your focus to your ground.
Feel your ground and know that it's a safe place for you.
Release into your ground all that you don't wish to carry anymore.
Gather from your ground the stillness and centering you feel there.

Continue then to do this for 10 minutes, then come out as it says above. If you don't have 10 minutes, then do it for as long as you have. The more you get used to touching and interacting with your ground, the easier it will be to reach. Eventually, with time and practice, you'll be able to reach your ground at a moment's notice. Stress, grief, fear, worry - these things make it harder to reach your ground, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means you need to go through all the steps. Don't worry if it takes you more time than you think it should to get easier at this... it'll take as long as it takes. It will get easier, I promise.

now, about Free Will...

No matter where you look these days it's a screaming match between however many groups feel like being in on the "debate". I'm using that term loosely... it's not really a debate. It's a screaming match.

If you read the last post about breathing, well, you know where I stand there. If not, go read it. It's not long. I'll wait.

....... Back? Good. :)

So here's the thing. We as Pagans, as Witches, Seers, Practitioners... we have a role in the world. I've been working for a while on better handling my role, better taking hold of my role and really living it. It's been really good, I won't lie. Being more active in my path, following it more closely and being more aware all the time of what falls where and how... well... what it leaves me with is a great sense of peace. It's not always easy, but things are better when I pay attention and live my path.

There is a movement on a few blogs that I follow to use our magic to influence the current election. Calls for spells to be cast on certain people - spells to aid, to clear people's minds, to remove roadblocks... you name it, I've seen a call for it.

I walked a Circle around the Capitol building scattering rosemary in my wake to help bring calm and clarity to the people who worked there. I've drummed and sung loud and clear to the Goddess for aid on the steps of the Jefferson Memorial on Samhain. I cannot say that I haven't used magic to help further a political agenda concerning human rights. I have done what I can when called on.

There are those who say we're all being called on once again, in larger numbers than ever before.

I'm only sure of one thing... we need to be careful. For as many people who want to cast for Candidate A there are likely as many for Candidate B and Candidate C. That is a LOT of magic flying around.

Yes. We have duties. No, we cannot just ignore the rule about free will. It's not just pretty words - subverting the will of another is just plain wrong. I don't really care if you disagree with them and know that casting something on them to "help them see"... you're messing with Will.

Yours might be stronger than theirs. That doesn't make you right.

If you are going to cast a spell or do magical work for the sake of the nation, think long and hard about it - are you seeking to subvert their will or are you offering them aid? Are you offering them something they can ignore, or are you *making* them see your way?

Be responsible.

Blessings

Breathing is everything

I've started taking a lunchtime meditative yoga class - it's focused on breathing, and the necessity of being present. It's done wonders for my work stress. Interestingly, when I say that, some people think it's actually alleviating that stress, as though it simply disappears.

So they try it, meditative yoga, and then they come to me all pissed off and ranting about how it was just breathing and stretching and what the hell was I doing that it made all my stress go away, and that pile of work was still sitting on their desk and the deadlines didn't go away and, and, and....

And I just sigh, take a measured breath in, release it in stages and look at them with a level eye. "It doesn't make the stress disappear. It makes the stress easier to deal with" I say as I walk away. There's no arguing with those people.

--
Debate is a beautiful thing. It's organic, growing in strange and uneven ways, expanding into the space it's given at first then bursting through the seams and taking over whole worlds. It can leave understanding and blood in its wake.

It's equally exhilarating and difficult to debate someone you know socially. There comes a point, however, when it's also extremely draining, and that's when you have to take a deep breath, exhale slowly and with no force, and excuse yourself from the debate.

There are a great many people with whom I agree to disagree on a great many topics. Some of those people I love very dearly. Some of them are simply acquaintances. But none of it keeps me up at night. Those people hold no malice for me. So deep breaths, that's all.

--
There are only so many times that you can look around your office and think "wow, you people have no clue." It's difficult to be the person in your job and know that the people you're explaining the project to have no earthly clue what words are coming out of your mouth. It's easier to speak Greek than it is to speak Tech sometimes.

You can probably guess what I'm going to say next... ;)

Yup. Breathe.

It really is everything.