Prepping for Beltane

It seems I'm scheduled to spend the big ones away from home this year. You might remember my Samhain post about being on the road and not having a patch of grass to go to for ceremony. Traveling on holy days seems to have set the tone for the year - on Beltane I'll have a lot of grass to go to as I'll be at a campground.

It's not a year for actually going to a Beltane rite gathering, although I think that'll be next year. I'm feeling the call again. No, this year I'll be with my friends spending the weekend focusing on learning dance and laughing and feasting. It should be glorious. We'll be at a campground and it will be no problem for me to walk into the treeline at dawn to honor the Goddess and hold my usual rite. It's a Sunday, but even so it's the last day of the festival and we all have to be off site by noon so I won't be watching the full sunrise - I'll have too much else to do helping close down the festival.

My candle this year will be an electric one, so that it can stay lit all day. My chalice will be a pottery mug. I'll still be wearing white, and I'll be barefoot if the ground allows me. (if there's broken glass or the like, I won't be barefoot and everyone can just forgive me - personal safety is a thing)


I was out two weeks ago with my camera, and got a few shots of Spring returning to our area. It was lovely to see, and cold so close to the water, but worth it - the colors are returning and soon the bare trees will be lush again.








This has been a hard spring for me. It was a hard winter, and it will be a hard summer and fall as well. The loss that my family suffered in September last year is still a pain that I feel acutely, and will be for some time. The loss of a loved one is not easily recovered from.  Marking the Wheel is helping.







Wherever this Beltane brings you, let it bring with it a smile and a return to the light and warmth of Spring. Appreciate the budding plants and wet earth. Plant and thank the Gods when you do. Bake and make foods for your family and friends. Appreciate the life that you live, the breaths you take, the sights that make you smile even now.

Blessings.

How sacred my altar

Something that was instilled in me from a young age was the sacredness of an altar. I was raised Catholic, and anyone who's ever been in a Church knows that the altar isn't somewhere you just go. Only certain people are allowed up there, and those people usually aren't you. I got involved in the Church when I was younger, and in high school started reading at Mass. I was allowed close to the altar then, and sometimes even behind it, (gasp!) and it inspired awe in me.

They weren't just at Church though. My Grandmother had two - one in her room with a Cross and one in the living room with a statue of Mary. Both had lace doilies, silk flowers and greenery, candles, and a little crystal dish for holy water. My mother had an altar too, and a holy water vessel and candles, but no silk flowers. These spaces we knew were sacred spaces, and we were careful around them.

So when I became Pagan, and stopped going to Church, I was already out of my Mother's house and there wasn't an altar in my apartment to anyone. It didn't occur to me to go set one up to a deity (or two) now that I was polytheist. I just was, and when I wanted to talk to them I went outside, found a tree, and talked. It wasn't something that happened in a building.

As it happens, I took up with some other Pagans eventually and the question of "what do you mean you don't have an altar at home?" came up, with the sort of questioning looks that accompany comments of "what do you mean you haven't ever heard of Star Wars??" So I went looking into altars in Pagan space, and figured out how to do the thing.

So there I was, setting up a sacred space in my bedroom because I had nowhere else to put it. I burned the incense, called a Circle, did the walk, said the words... and then never touched it unless I was specifically doing magical work. It was on a pedestal that I couldn't reach unless my mind was clear, the room was quiet, the incense was burning, and I was skyclad. I never leaned on it, bumped against it, touched it in passing... There were shields up as far as I was concerned, not to be interrupted unless absolutely necessary for a rite.

This went on for *years* despite the fact that my altar is on the top of my dresser. I'd use the drawers, but I wouldn't touch the top unless there was a reason, and that reason had to be ritual.

Well, about a month and a half ago I broke my own rule. I leaned on the top as I took my socks off. I was exhausted and the bookcase that used to live next to the dresser is in another room being useful there. Without thinking I placed my hand on the top of my dresser, leaned and removed socks from my feet.

And the strangest thing happened.

I smiled. The feeling of warmth on my hand from touching that sacred space was gentle and inviting - like a friend who hugs you as you both say "it's been too long." And that's what it was, exactly. It had been too long. The pieces laying there, my book, chalice, blade, incense, offering bowl, bessom... they're all friends that I have had long conversations with, that have been in my life for many years. What I was doing wasn't revering them. I was neglecting them, coming to them only in times of great need and not when I just wanted to visit. That's no way to be a friend.

Now I touch my altar all the time. I spend a few minutes in the morning as I chose my underpinnings smiling at the carving on the wall hanging there, looking through my book, jotting notes and filling the pages as I once did regularly. Now, at the end of the day, I smell the sage in the bowl and run my fingers through the ribbons on the bessom. I touch my altar all the time now, and it thanks me for it.

Since I started this, I feel more attached to my path.  My altar hasn't become less sacred, and it hasn't become more sacred - it's just as it was, ever waiting to visit with me, help and guide me, listen to me.

So think about your altar - how often do you visit? Only when you want to hold ceremony or ritual? Do you go only to ask for something? Or do you visit just to touch it, just to see how things are and to know yourself to still be connected?

Blessings!

Shelter

I love words, the way the roll and drop and pull at your mind and tongue. 

Shelter is a great word. It has so many means, so many uses... and so much emotion no matter who says it. 

I picked Shelter today because it's snowing again. Yes, it's April 4th and it's snowing - and sticking. Not just melting as soon as it hits the warm pavement... no no, it's sticking and building up and I'm going to have to use my scraper and brush to clear the car so I can run errands in a few hours. 

So, Shelter. I live in a house - it's warm and dry and I have groceries in the fridge and pantry. I made bread yesterday, and had the leftovers for breakfast. I realize how lucky I am though, and how not everyone has these options available to them. I didn't always have this sort of life to be honest. There were winters and springs in West Virginia when I was lucky to have my rent paid and the electricity still on... barely.... I remember what scraping by means, and how it feels when you don't quite make it. 

Not everyone has shelter from the roller coaster our weather patterns have been on lately. I hold ceremony indoors and beseech the Goddess and God to care for those who cannot get out of the cold or rain or snow. But that can't be the only thing I do. 

Now is the time to make donations of clothing and foodstuffs to shelters, food banks, etc - now is the time to think about someone other than ourselves. 

We don't all have time to go grocery shopping and drop it off at the food bank. That's fine - they take cash too. Why? Because everyone will go buy a few canned goods and drop them off but they need milk and eggs and perishable goods. They need cash to buy grocery cards that can go out with the dry goods, so these people can buy the stuff they need. 

Links: 
Greater Boston Food Bank: http://www.gbfb.org/ -- donation button is really big and on the front page. 

Feeding America: http://tinyurl.com/hl99p2a - that goes straight to the donation page.

There are so many more options out there, but these are two that I've used and feel comfortable donating to - they're very straightforward about where their money goes, and what their costs are. I really feel like they're doing good. 

And if that's not your thing, that's fine too. Big Brother Big Sister is always accepting donations, and there are plenty of clothing resellers that you can donate to that have better stances on what "help everyone" means than Goodwill or Salvation Army. Go ahead and clean out your closet. You'll feel better once it's done. ;) 

So, in this snowyness, think about the people who can't get out of the weather. You can do something about helping them, and you should. We all should. 

Blessings.

The rushing winds, and a recipe for ritual cookies

As I walked out of the office at work today an amazingly strong wind greeted me, hugging me in the parking lot beside the building and played with my sweater as I walked to the car. My coworkers, all bundled tight and looking at me sideways for walking around "in this weather wearing no coat" were complaining about how blustery it was - and I simply sighed into the gusts and said aloud how much I enjoyed it.

I really don't know what they said to that, or if they even heard me. Honestly, once I sighed into the wind it was just the two of us, and the wind was all I heard.

---
It's no coincidence that I was greeted with winds like this after seeing an aerial video of Loughcrew in Ireland. Those same winds, rushing and full of voices, greeted me on the Equinox as I climbed the mountain in Meath and played with my sweater then too, and hugged me and whispered old words into my ears.

There is a scent to winds like that, winds you know have carried things away never to be seen again, winds that could take you too if it was your time to go. Winds like that, they're special friends that we greet with smiles and laughter and wave to as they leave as quickly as they came. The wind today smelled like the ocean, like coarse sand and rock and wet trees. It was old for sure.

It is important to listen when the winds talk to you, as it is when any of the Elements speak up. So very, very important. What they say may be the answer to the thing you're thinking of most.

---
Recipe time! I haven't posted one in a while, and this one is a great one.
Ritual Cookies (Blessing Cookies)
based on a French recipe, circa 1604
2 cups almond meal
1 teaspoon rose water
1/2 cup of sugar
2 egg whites

Beat the egg whites until they form soft peaks. add a dash of sugar as they start to get frothy. I have a KitchenAid, and let me tell you now that this takes some time, even in a stand mixer, so if you're doing this by hand you're looking at a decent amount of time. Don't let that stop you though - it's totally worth it.
In a separate bowl, mix the sugar and almond meal together. Really whisk it so the almond meal breaks up (it tends to clump all on it's own) and so the sugar is even in the mixture. Now wash your hands and add the rosewater. Using your hands, work the rosewater through the almond sugar mixture until it's evenly distributed.
Fold the egg whites into the dry ingredients. If you haven't done this before, there are about a thousand youTube videos to show you how. Really, it's just adding the dry ingredients to the bowl with the egg whites and slowly mixing until all the dry ingredients are in and you have a solid dough. It takes time, and patience but you're making an offering for your rituals - so set some intention while you're carefully folding together your ingredients.
Scoop out small spoonfuls onto a parchment lined baking sheet.  (really, don't go crazy on size here. think bite size)
Baking:
10 minutes at 350 degrees
then
25 minutes at 200 degrees or until lightly browned

The witchery....
I love having bread or cookies for a ritual, and these are a particular favorite of mine. It's a sensory thing - you're essentially making and baking marzipan, which has been used for centuries to make sweet decorations for everything from suckling roast pig to cakes. It can be dyed colors, it can be shaped easily, and it's SOOOO sweet it'll make your teeth hurt.  I've reduced the sugar in this by half and it doesn't suffer at all, so don't worry. Here you're making a bite size cookie from the time of Elizabeth 1st. As it's baking, your house will be overwhelmed with the scent of toasting almonds and rosewater - it's enough to make your mouth water! While they're baking, meditate on the ritual you're going to conduct. Think about how and why and where and who... allow the scent of the elements of the cookie to mingle with your thoughts on how the incense will be, how the wine or water will be. As you're listening to the baking, quiet as it is, think about the quiet of meditation and focus on the similarities between the two.

The cookies, once done, will need to cool before you taste them. This dough is stiff, and holds its shape while baking fairly well, so if you wanted to flatten them a little and press sigils into them, or shape them for a purpose, this would work.

Almonds are a herb for Beltane, of the Sun, and of Jupiter. They represent life after death. They are poison for some, and toxic in high quantities for all. Don't eat more than 50 kernels at a time for adults, 10 for kids.
Rose is an herb of the Spring Equinox, Water, and Venus. It attracts love, fosters lust, and can be used to entice a lover.

Happy Baking!

Over the land lies a mantle of white

a shower of diamonds comes down from the sky
two hearts are thrilling despite of the chilling weather...

Really didn't think I was going to get to talk about snow again this year, but here we are - the sounds of shovels outside and the alerts on our phones telling us schools are closed and roads are dangerous... these are the moments I'm really glad both himself and I can stay home on days like this. Telecommuting is a beautiful thing.

If you're like any of the rest of us who thought Spring was here to stay, you've started planting things outside. In all honesty, I probably should have waited longer - but when you get the urge to plant things in the ground, you really don't wait. You just go get dirt on your hands. I didn't bring any of those pots inside either - they're all still outside, with more than a few inches of snow on them.  Will they make it? Probably - and if not, well, I'll start another batch. That's the way these things go. In some cases I'm very much of the "survival of the fittest" gardening camp - if they make it, they make it. If not, well, time to plant another batch.

---
If you're like me, you celebrated Ostara yesterday. I usually dye eggs, make something with pork or lamb, and make something suitably yellow for dessert. This year I was hosting an arts gathering at my house, and so instead I made two batches of french bread and put out savory and sweet toppings in the form of pressed goats cheese with honey, maple cream, and honey butter. There was tea and coffee and much arting and it was fantastic. We went out to dinner and had Mexican, and came back to relaxing and a house that still smelled of fresh baked bread.

Then it snowed, and we were immediately reminded that Mother Nature will do whatever she bloody well wants to, whether we like it or not.

What I didn't do last night was hold ceremony. A lot of Pagans I know would look askance at me for that, and I get it - I really ought to be holding a rite for the holy days. And I know that - it's not like I forgot. I chose not to hold anything, and I have a reason for it.  Time.

We have a limited number of hours on this planet, and while rite and ritual is important, so is recognizing what the people in our lives need from us. Last night, my partner needed me - so instead of pushing him off to go hold ceremony we cuddled on the couch and watched Galavant. It was cheesy and hilarious, and actually exactly what both of us needed.

See, being a hedgewitch Druid Pagan mashup is more than knowing what root to put in the tea to make your cramps go away. It's knowing what your body, heart, and mind needs - and laughing in the arms of the man I am spending the rest of my life with? That's a ceremony too.

March is the anniversary of my moving to this state, and moving in with him. And now, 3 years later, I'm happier than I've ever been.  The first year I was up here, I held a ceremony on every holy day, I spent time on the full moon in the backyard connecting with the land and the wise ones here, and I did my best to integrate to my surroundings - and thankfully they took to me like fish to water. I know this is my home.

So now, when the needs of my soul outweigh the needs of holding a ceremony, I listen to my soul and do what's best for me. The Goddess smiled on us even still, because what's a holy day of fertility and new life without celebrating the love between two souls?

In these snowy days of Spring think hard about your love, however many there may be, and nurture it.

Blessings!

When the ingredients aren't your own

At the gift of one of my best friends, I tried a service that delivers complete meals (some assembly required) to your home. More to the point - she's avoid carbs at all costs right now and this box was carb heavy so she said "here, try this and see if you like it" and handed me 3 meals. 

Excited, since I've wanted to try this for a while, I unpacked the box with the same gusto that I did my Pampered Chef consultant kit - everything was shiny and new and exciting and I was going to cook like a chef now for sure! (tools help, but I learned a lot with this) 

or.... I wasn't. Not being one who follows the recipes, but taking into account that I was trying a service that assumes you don't really know a lot about cooking (as evidence by the detailed instructions and the pictures that accompany every step) I decided that I'd follow the recipe to the letter and let the chips fall as they may. I shouldn't have - really. I made a chicken pasta dish and ended up with a dish so bland I couldn't finish it. Neither could my partner. I augmented dinner with marzipan rosewater cookies I'd made over the weekend and he augmented dinner with popcorn. 

It was plain. It was boring. It was lacking all spice. (I added garlic and red pepper flake as I was cooking for fear of it being too blah. it didn't help) 

So tonight I decided to try again, and made the second recipe in the box: An Indian fish and rice dish, heavy with onion and ginger. The recipe has a quarter head of cabbage in it. I made it to the recipe, adding only salt and pepper as the spice packet they included was considerable. 

I should have added more curry. 

It wasn't bad, it was light for all the frying in it and the rice was tasty (I added a pat of butter to that one) and the crispy onion was a nice addition. In a fit of inquiry, I went and looked up this recipe online, searching specifically for Indian versions of this dish. Mine had an egg scrambled and added to a pan of hot oil and ginger. Everyone one I found had hard boiled eggs. Mine had cabbage. Theirs have parsley. Mine had rice made per the bag. Their had rice sauted in oil and with onion added, then covered in boiling water and covered to steam up.  Mine used cod fried in oil.  Theirs used haddock poached in milk with bay leaves. 

I'm going to make this again, I'm going to add more curry, and I'm going to make it to their recipe, not the one that came in the box. 

~~ 

So in all this cooking (and I have one more to go, pork sandwiches that I'll be making for myself on Friday) I've discovered that it's not so great a thing to have the ingredients picked out for you in this manner. I've been gifted food before, notably pieces of a farm share, and I haven't felt the same total detachment that I felt with these ingredients. 

My partner and I are paid into a farm share ourselves this year, and I'm incredibly excited about this! Knowing that someone, however rushed they may be, is working a farm and then packing up a bag of farm share for he and I... they care about the land they're working, and they're doing something about making sure that healthy food makes it out into the world. I can't say that I feel that with this service. I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. Live and learn! 

So in these days when you want convenience, and you think fondly on the possibility of food arriving on your doorstep that isn't takeout from the Chinese place, think long and hard about your relationship to the food in question. I would never have bought the pieces of chicken presented to me in that package - they were fatty, and that's not something I look for in my chicken.  We're kitchen witches, and very simply that means we want a more profound relationship with our kitchens and the dishes we present to our loved ones to nourish them. I think I apologized 10 times last night for how bland dinner turned out. My partner just laughed and smiled and said "well, now we know that's not what we want to get into!" He's wonderful. 

My garden outside is growing, and my seeds for the herbs and veggies are sprouting soon, and slowly the list of what I need at the grocery is shrinking. It's a wonderful feeling. 

May it be for you. 

When every little thing makes you cry

My grandmother was a gardener. It was from her, in the moist earth in the yard where I learned to ride my bike and learned to climb trees, that I was taught the ways of flowers. I was taught what I could cut back almost to the ground, and what needed to go to ground on its own. It was there that lessons on planting and watering were taught over and over. It was there that I sat for hours and watched the plants, convinced that if I concentrated hard enough I could actually see them growing.

Turns out I could concentrate on plants more than I could concentrate on anything else till I got a camera in my hands.

Even then, it have a lot of pictures of plants, and I always will.

Just the act of rescuing my garden tools from a flooded storage container on the back porch made me cry the other day. It was a simple thing to plunge my hands in the so very cold water, pull out the tools and gloves and pots and ruined bags of potting soil and seeds, and spread everything out to dry (or stuff it in a garbage bag).  Simple though it was, the act of rescuing tools that she taught me to use made me cry.

Grief is a difficult thing. We get so used to something, to someone, to some time that when it's gone you really are lost. I haven't felt a loss like this before and it has struck me to the core. I'm still lost in it, 6 months later. I know I'll always carry a piece of it with me.

~
I'd love to say I sat down and wrote all my posts straight through. Some aren't that easy to get out and this one has taken time. I wasn't sure if I should write this, if I should take you on the journey I'm on through grief and sorrow. But I'm glad I have been, and I hope you understand how much closer this journey has brought me to my deities.

Even the act of sitting at the foot of the Goddess and listening has been harder lately than it has been in a long time. My mind wanders so much right now, my heart is not calm and still, my focus is worse than a toddler in a toy store. So the path of my practice has brought me back to the beginning so I can work on my focus, on my intent, on calming my heart and clearing my mind and really listening. The Goddesses and Gods have so much to say to us in these sorts of times, often when we're too lost to listen. I'm working on listening more, to gain the wisdom they're willing to teach me.

So my goal right now is to listen - to slow down, calm down, and listen.

Blessings