Another short breath, another painful scream, another shuddering sigh

Since that horrible night in November of 2016, the lives of many people have consisted of crying, of screaming, of fear. I have no idea how they get through these days. I'm not sure I know how I get through these days.

See, I'm white. I'm female. I present straight despite the honest truth that I'm bisexual. But to the world who doesn't know me I'm just some nice white girl living with a nice white boy in what is basically the suburbs. They don't know I have an altar in the kitchen, in the garden, and in my bedroom. They don't know about the women I've dated long term. They see nothing amiss - and even on Halloween when I sit in front of my home in all my witchy splendor, goblet in my hand, hat on my head, multiple carved pumpkins around me and lit up by the beauty of the night... they think I'm playing pretend like their toddler who is dressed up like Elsa.

I don't walk down the street in fear of ICE. But my neighbors do. Their families do. My coworkers do.

I don't walk down the street in fear of the police. But members of my community do. Some of my friends do.

I do walk in fear of men sometimes. And of women sometimes. I've been assaulted. I know what the warning signs are. My fears are different, but no less there.

But even for all my fears - I know that no government agency will bust down my door or shoot me during a traffic stop or rip me from my family. I can use my whiteness. I can use my privilege. I have to - it's the least I can do.

So how do I do that? I vote. I talk to my neighbors and friends and find out how I can be an ally. I write letters and call and sign petitions to my Congresspeople. I do what I can from where I am to better the lives of those who have no voice. It is the least I can do.

Magically I work too. HectateDemeter, in her wisdom, has channeled the power of ancient rites into modern workings. It worked for the witches then, it can work for us. Her latest post is here, the Magical Battle for America for 5-28-18, and I highly suggest you join us. It goes back for months, but it's not necessary to go backward and do them unless you want to. Join us now and keep joining us moving forward. The more we have at the battle front, the better.

Remember to breathe. We have to keep breathing. Ours needs to be steady to comfort those whose cannot be. And if you are the ones I'm working to help, then know that I won't stop working for you. We need to help each other. It's the only way we'll survive.

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Even as this was written, a friend of mine put out a call to help save a National Park Service Historic Site... the memorial at the USS Arizona in Hawaii. Yes. A place so visited, so hugely popular a tourist destination shut its doors indefinitely because of a lack of funding. A memorial to the men and women who died in a surprise attack that rocked the nation is in danger of closing.

What does this mean? It means our government is crumbling. Our land and our history are being wiped away in favor of greedy contracts. There are men and women alive today who remember the day that is now a memorial that becomes more visible and more painful with every tide and they read today that the government doesn't care enough about the suffering and lessons of that day to keep that memorial open and running by funding them as they should be funded. Can you imagine what their feeling? Can you fathom being told your suffering was insignificant? Many can. Maybe you can.

We have to funnel the pain and hurt and anguish and rage we're feeling into action. We can't let it overwhelm us. We'll all drown like those poor souls on the Arizona. We're already drowning.


My wish for you as we move into the hot, muggy, heady days of summer is this - remember the fight but don't wallow in the fight. Celebrate. Make love. Hold your friends and family near you. Keep your counsel and use your voice when you can. Be kind to yourself when you can't. No one can fight all the time, but the fight won't stop if we all fight when we can.

Also, drink water. :)

I'm Wicked through and through

I've been listening to the soundtrack to Wicked a lot lately, it's one of my favorites. Over the years I've shared this with a lot of people, mostly in the car as we all sing along on our way to wherever. It hasn't always had the best memories for me though.

I was on a roadtrip with a guy I was seeing, and I got to pick the music. So I turned on Wicked and sung along- I was driving, it was my turn. He's not singing along, but he didn't know the musical so I wasn't surprised. We wind our way through the whole thing, all the ups and downs, all the revelations and realizations and end up at the finale as we always do, mournful and knowledgeable. I sighed, as I usually do at the end, and laughed a little, and made the offhand comment that I was way more an Elphaba than a Glinda.

He screamed at me. He ranted at me for nearly 20 minutes about how I needed to be my own person and I needed to grow up and it was immature to think that I was like some made up character and why couldn't I be my own person... I didn't say anything. I tried, I started to rebut his argument logically and with fact and reason and I got screamed at again.

I shut up.

That whole interaction stayed with me for a long time, and I stopped sharing things with him that I cared about. The relationship ended soon after, and it took me another 6 months to completely escape his attentions, and another 6 months after that to leave the state completely. It was the shortest and most painful of my relationships, and the one with the most lasting damage. Thankfully not all of it was irreparable - thanks in large part to my family and true friends.

Listening to the soundtrack again the other day, it dawned on me why he was so pissed that I was more Elphaba than Glinda - Elphaba lived her own life. She didn't listen to anyone else. She did her own thing, made up her own mind, chose her own path and was wicked - not because she was mean spirited, but because that's the role she was shoved in to, fit best in to, fell into and couldn't escape. She was wicked because the world wouldn't give her a chance. They painted her the villain from the womb.

He hated that because he wanted someone who would do as she was told, no matter what, no matter how or when or why. He didn't want a woman to think for herself. And so thinking myself in line with a woman who changed the world? That was right out.

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It's spring again, and my garden is awake, and the magic comes easier these days. I find my comfort in the Spring and Fall. Beltane was lovely this year, and I look forward to the upcoming feast days with a smile, knowing I'm in a place where my magic and my heart can reside easily and safely.

A lot of my practice these days includes giving thanks for my life as it is now. I'm thankful for the pains I've gone through as well - they've shaped me, maybe not changed for the better, but changed for good. I can say though, that I am better off for the changes I've gone through.

Go into your magic with a smile, find your path, and walk it. The sun is up.